Path through the cave

Years ago when I said good-bye to my teacher, he offered me the usual five hundred rupees as an allowance. It was assumed that anybody who is traveling out must have some pocket money. That was a part of his economic system. The glass bowl with money on the study table was to be always emptied. Then the money flow will be there and the bowl will be full always. This is an economic system that’s based on abundance, not on scarcity. When you have the courage to let all go and create an emptiness in space, the phenomenon has the tendency to fill that void. Well, this sounds unbelieavble but time and again it is proven to be true. Surrender to what is and show gratitude for what we already have are the basis for this. I had my doubts as a 'mallu cynic' about this principle twenty five years ago, to tell the truth. But later it had proven to be a reality many times in life, like many other things wisdom teachings tell you.

That day I did not leave until the evening because of some chores I had to do. Before leaving, in the afternoon I went to my teacher again, bid farewell and he gave me another five hundred! I was puzzled and thought I might say that I had gotten the parting allowance in the morning. But another senior student eyed me not to do that and I did not say anything. I left with a puzzled mind, heavy heart and dissented the mountains with a backpack of my own chaotic stuff. My mind was filled with mixed feelings of loss, yet also with slight excitement about the country I am leaving for. I was moving to US for good.

I did not return for a very long time. Seasons changed one after another slowly in the beginning, but later they moved faster like in a time-lapse video. Years passed as the rains lost their poetry and the once dreamy moonlit nights passed unnoticed and the clouds at the window seat started to feel mundane. Life took its toll on the romance of it and I was visiting home again. I was a changed man, seasoned enough to deal with the so-called 'real world' with logical strategies. I had become a premeditator than a meditator.

The teacher was beaming at me with a twinkle of pure love in his eyes when I met him. His smile through the long white beard was bright like the backlit clouds of that evening. It was an ethereal sunset behind the mountains and I gave him the watercolors I brought with me. He started painting on his stock of handmade paper right away. We sat in silence and all the things I wanted to ask him dissipated into the soft air between us. His presence was melting through me and I did not feel like uttering a single word. Silence was much deeper between us. I didn't want to disturb it with mundane words.

As the time passed, twilight faded into the mountain range and the sky was turning maroon-red like the wardrobe of a Tibetan monk. I showed the gesture that I had to leave to my family as it was getting late. He beamed at me again and said, "Wait, you should go to this cave down at the foothills and sit there for a while before you leave. A Sufi-saint lived there long time ago." I was hesitant and a bit concerned as it was getting dark and I knew those hills were infested with snakes. However I decided to go down the valley, and found the cave after looking around. I sat there on a rock inside the cave for a while, wondering why he had asked me to do this. It was peaceful and relaxing though. I did let it all go for a change. There was silence in the cave, only the cicadas were singing into the evening. There were no snakes.

Later I stepped into the night assuming my path forward. Left to my own devices, I had been toiling to navigate through the realms of the ‘hungry ghosts'. I often wonder about that last meeting with my beloved teacher and his remarkable style of conveying the message. A mystic one definitely has his own ways of pointing to the mysteries.

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The Realm of Hungry Ghosts:

Hungry Ghosts have huge, empty stomachs, but their thin necks don't allow nourishment to pass. Food turns to fire and ash in their mouths. Psychologically, Hungry Ghosts are associated with addictions, compulsions and obsessions. People who have everything but always want more are in a 'Hungry Ghosts’ realm. (Ref: The Tibetan Book of the Dead)

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photo: Pokhara lake, Nepal, Nov.2014 /©sebastian varghese.